Earlier this week, you saw the news nearly everywhere you looked.
On January 26, Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter, Gianna, were among nine passengers killed in a helicopter accident near Los Angeles.
And as the week went on, you likely saw reactions to the tragedy streaming through your social media feeds. Snapshots of Lakers fans posing with the star player after a game. Pictures of Kobe captioned with his quotes about work ethic and perseverance.
And most recently, photos of fathers and their daughters with the hashtag #GirlDad.
If you haven’t heard it already, the origin story of #GirlDad is an interview Bryant gave to ESPN anchor Elle Duncan before his fourth child, Capri, was born. In response to a question about how he’d feel about yet another daughter, he said: “I would have five more girls if I could. I’m a girl dad.”
Duncan recently shared her memory of that interview, saying:
“When I reflect on this tragedy, and that half hour I spent with Kobe Bryant two years ago, I suppose that the only small source of comfort for me is knowing he died doing what he loved the most: being a dad. Being a girl dad.”
“I would have 5 more girls if I could. I’m a girl dad.”@elleduncanESPN‘s story about how much Kobe loved his daughters is something special. pic.twitter.com/1KJx17QRjY
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 28, 2020
Since then, athletes like Russell Wilson and A-Rod posted their own tributes to Bryant via photos of their daughters, and the hashtag took off, with millions of non-celebrities sharing images of #GirlDads on Twitter and Instagram, too.
And while the movement has been criticized as localized feminism and tasteless public mourning, I see it as something else: a beautiful symbol of how social media connects us to others and helps us make sense of the most difficult events in life.
As anyone who’s experienced loss knows: Grief is complicated. That’s true even when the target of it is a public figure—someone most of us never exchanged words with but who was part of our lives nonetheless. It stops us in our tracks and makes us want to find a thread of connection with those we’ll never see again.
That’s why, minutes after reports circulated that Kobe Bryant died, anyone who’s ever had a picture taken with him posted it. They wanted to have one last personal experience with his too-soon-taken life.
That’s why Elle Duncan told her story. She had once shared a moment with Kobe and she wanted to relive it, in hopes that it would offer her a bit of comfort, a trace of connection.
And it did—not just for her, but for all of us. Her story and the viral hashtag created a way for any father who has a daughter, any daughter who has a father, and even anyone who’s part of that relationship (like me, the wife of a #GirlDad) to connect with Kobe, too.
Because even if we didn’t know him (or the difference between a point guard and a shooting guard), we feel something deeply personal about this larger-than-life, seemingly invincible man dying in such a tragic way with his arms wrapped around his little girl. We identify with a man who loved his daughters, as we love ours.
I’ve had my fair share of loss, and I know that some people want to grieve privately, while others prefer to do so in the company of others. I’m part of the latter group. Posting online about my father’s death has been a powerful way for me to work through my emotions and find community with others who’ve experienced loss. For me, social media isn’t just where we share work brags or showcase vacation photos, it’s where we connect, deeply, in this day and age.
But no matter how you process it, grief is personal, and it tends to make us reflect on our own lives. I’ve found comfort in #GirlDad for that reason, too. Scrolling through images of fathers and daughters—especially my husband with our girls—helps me to remember the preciousness of life. To hold my loved ones a little closer. To be thankful for the time I still have.
My husband and #GirlDad, Dave Kerpen
Carrie Kerpen
Of course, it’s worth noting that social media has made the grief of others infinitely more complicated. To think that Vanessa Bryant may have found out about the death of her husband and daughter on the internet, before anyone but TMZ had confirmed their deaths, is unimaginable. As a wife and a mother, I can’t imagine what she’s going through, and I wish there was anything I could do to offer her comfort.
I suppose the only thing that might is that same line Elle Duncan shared:
“Knowing he died doing what he loved the most: being a dad. Being a girl dad.”