Religions of the World Continue to Abandon Social Media
In response to the growing media frenzy over President Russell M. Nelson’s plea to the youth of the LDS Church to forgo all social media contact for one full week, Pope Francis of the Catholic Church has announced that all lay members will now be asked to give up social media every Friday.
“We used to do that with meat, y’know” the Pontiff told reporters at the Vatican this week. “Everybody ate fish sticks on Friday. But now we are asking our beloved members to please abstain from all social media every Friday. They can read a book instead, or go to the movies, or watch television. I think the LDS Church is moving in the right direction with a one week hiatus for their young people, but we in the Catholic Faith go by the age old credo of ‘nihil potestis facere non possumus facere melius.’” (Anything they can do we can do better.)
Just hours after the Pope’s announcement the International Islamic Council held a press conference at their headquarters in Bayonne, New Jersey, to announce that from now on the month-long Ramadan fast for faithful members would be a social media fast, not a food and drink fast.
“Everything is in the Koran already — who needs social media anyways?” said Ibrahim Suleiman Schwartz, a bystander with an interesting beard.
And not to be outdone, the B’nai B’rith issued a statement today saying that social media is no longer considered Kosher, and should be eschewed by all practicing members.
Meanwhile, the League of Militant Atheists have proclaimed their intention to immediately take over the entire social media spectrum, now that the religions of the world are abandoning it. League president Boris Badanov told reporters in Moscow: “Hoo boy, we in da hot seat now, right Natasha?”