There are many different things you could do to get ahead in business and in life.
Yet, all of the most successful people around me have ONE thing in common.
They have amazing people skills.
The funny thing is…
Almost everyone I know who’s “good with people” TODAY…
…is either an introvert…
…or was once an awkward wallflower.
Including myself.
So, here’s some of the best advice on how to get better with people.
As you probably know, Social Triggers is the place where entrepreneurs come to get ahead in business and in life:
I talk about proven sales and marketing methods. Smart negotiation tactics. And more. Now here’s the thing…
All of those skills are insanely valuable when you’re trying to start – or grow – a business. Or even if you’re trying to get ahead in your career.
Yet, in the long run, none of them will be as impactful as getting better with people.
Why?
I’ll explain.
I recently shared this practical copywriting tip. It’s a great concept. But naturally, I got comments like:
“But Derek, will this work for me if I’m selling XYZ…”
Then comes a long list of reasons why people think THEIR specific situation is different. Will this work if I sell services? Will this work if I sell physical products? What if I sell B2B?
But here’s the thing:
No matter what you sell, who you’re selling to, or where you’re selling from…
ALL business is P2P – person to person.
I’m not sure who said this first. Whoever it was – I wholeheartedly agree. It’s true for business owners…
…and it’s true if you’re working in a company. Want to get a raise? You’re going to have to talk to someone about it. Another PERSON.
And even outside of work…
Let’s say you want to make new friends.
You can go to networking events, join a sports club, or hang out at a local bar.
You’re going to have to TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And preferably find some people that like you.
You can scream at the wall and wish that people weren’t so superficial. Or you can focus on things you can actually change.
So, if right now you feel like you’re “bad at small talk”, “hate talking about yourself,” or you’ve just told yourself for YEARS that you’re not a “people person”…
It’s time to change that.
Now…
I’ve talked about social skills here in the past. So, I want to share some of that advice in one convenient place.
Remember: Even if you ARE an introvert (as a matter of fact, so am I)… No matter what you want to achieve or do, it’s probably going to involve OTHER PEOPLE.
If you want people to do you a favor.
If you want to make new friends.
If you want people to help you build your business.
That’s why improving your people skills is so valuable. It literally pays off in EVERY area of your life. It makes every day more fun, too.
It all starts with building your confidence…
Step 1: Start By Building Your Confidence
If people skills are the foundation of your success then confidence is the ground that this foundation is built on.
I know this first hand. Once I started to build my confidence, my people skills went through the roof, too.
How do you build confidence?
Rule #1: competence breeds confidence.
In other words, as you get better, you get more confident. But there are lots of other ways you can practice being more confident, too
So what did I do to develop my confidence? In short: I faked it… and it worked. Watch this video for the whole story and to find out exactly what I did:
Almost a million people have watched this video. If you like this tip on how to be more confident – I’ve got 13 more confidence tips for you here.
Now…
Building your confidence is an ongoing process. Use the techniques I shared in the video and article above, and you’ll see:
As you get more confident, your overall people skills will automatically improve as well.
Remember: Confidence is the ground your people skills are built on. But how can you now actually practice interacting with people?
Well, let’s start by figuring out how to MEET new people…
Step 2: Reach Out and Meet Some New People
99% of people only make friends at work. Or in school. Okay, I made that number up. But you get the point…
Most people are terrible at meeting new people outside of the people they coincidentally meet at work.
So how do you actually build a network you choose? A network that can help you get ahead? A network of like-minded people and friends that support you?
You need to be proactive. Talk to people you want to meet. Email people you want to connect with.
The problem is…
Most people reach out the wrong way.
Yes, you want to build a network that benefits you. But if you start a friendship or “connection” by asking for stuff, you’ve already lost.
I’ll explain.
What you need to do is: Switch your perspective. You need to switch from “what can this person do for me?” to “what can I do for them?”
Once you make this switch from “asking” to “offering” you’ll see that making new friends and connections gets a lot easier. This is true whether you’re emailing an influencer or talking to the barista at the coffee shop.
It starts with listening, observing, and taking genuine interest in people. Then you can figure out what they want – and offer it to them. I talk about it more in this video:
By the way:
Did you know I started a daily vlog? Yep. I’m creating a new, fun, and helpful video every single day.
I often go “behind the scenes” too. So if you’re interested in seeing all the ups-and-downs of “that entrepreneur life”, make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Step 3: Learn How to Introduce Yourself the RIGHT Way
What if you could walk up to anyone, start a conversation, and keep that conversation going?
Sounds like a superpower.
Yeah, sort of…
It’s all in how you introduce yourself.
To be clear: This isn’t dating advice. It’s simply networking advice. Knowing how to introduce yourself the right way is crucial whenever you want to strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know… Anyone.
It might be the keynote speaker at a conference. It could be an interesting person at a networking event. It could be the waiter at your favorite restaurant.
I share the “3 magic words” I use to introduce myself to anyone in this video:
How to Introduce Yourself to Anyone (With 3 Words)
Do you see how my simple introduction breaks the ice? Take it and run with it. Use it the next time you introduce yourself to someone.
You’re welcome 😉
Now you’re probably wondering…
“But where do I take the conversation from there?”
Great question.
Step 4: How to Make People Like You In 5 Seconds or Less
Once you start a conversation with someone you want to connect with, it helps if they like you… heh.
So how do you do that?
Well, I’ve got a technique and it only takes 5 seconds or less. Sounds like a gimmick, I know. But just like my 3 word introduction, it actually works.
Here’s what you need to realize:
Making people like you is not a skill you’re born with. It’s something you learn over time. And I’ve put in my time to figure it out.
That’s how I came up with the Ridiculous Insult Technique.
I break it down in detail in this blog post on how to make people like you.
In short:
To make people like you fast, give them a sincere compliment… and then follow it up with a ridiculous insult.
For example, you might say
“Oh I really like your watch. But what’s WRONG with you? Why is it on your right hand?”
It’s all about the delivery, too. You need to make it OBVIOUS you’re saying this in good fun. Then, you can pretty much get away with saying anything.
So, you’ve started the conversation. You break the ice and make people like you with a sincere compliment and a ridiculous insult…
Where do you take the conversation from there?
Step 5: How to Talk About Yourself Without Annoying People
When you’re talking to someone – especially someone you’re just getting to know – you never want to be the person that shoves their business card in people’s face.
BUT… You still want people to know what you do, right? And you want people to know you’re good at what you do, too?
Yes and yes…
So how do you do it without coming off like a self-promotional jerk that only talks about himself/herself. How do you talk about how good you are… without it coming off as bragging?
The thing is:
You do have to talk about yourself. If you don’t, how will people know what you do?
The reason this can get so frustrating is that most people are completely unaware of themselves. They’re self-promotional – in a bad way – and they don’t even realize it.
These people may SEEM like they’re “good with people.” They’re constantly talking to everyone. But in reality, no one wants to talk to them because they don’t know when to shut up…
So how do you talk about yourself without annoying the heck out of everyone? Turns out there’s a right and wrong way to brag. I explain it here:
Hopefully, with those 5 steps, you can improve your people skills, too.
Even if you start out – like me – as a someone who had to learn how to get good with people by practicing over time.
Remember:
ALL business is person-to-person.
Everything that matters in life is person-to-person, too. So the payoff from improving your social skills can’t be overstated.
Now…
Here’s what I want to know:
Which of these 5 steps was the most helpful for you – and why? Leave a comment and let me know.
Oh, and can you do me a favor?
Do you know someone who could use some help in the way they interact with people? Send them a link to this page! I appreciate it, and your friend will, too. Thanks in advance!