Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Status consciousness can affect human consciousness.
It’s easy for us to decide that we’re not who we think we are, but who others think we must be.
So we surround ourselves with trappings and sneer at those who might have less.
These dark musings come to mind on hearing that an airline has suddenly decided to radically alter the way it boards passengers.
Earlier this week, I flew back on British Airways from Europe and must confess that the boarding process was an orderly as a Hieronymus Bosch painting.
My heart therefore beat with glee on hearing that, with touching timing, the airline just announced that it’s launching a new system.
This, to some eyes, involves those who paid the most boarding first and those who paid the least boarding last.
Americans might already be used to this.
Ever since several U.S. airlines introduced Sub-Cattle Class — sometimes referred to as Basic Economy — they’ve insisted that those who buy these (allegedly) cheapest, hand luggage-only fares will have to wait until everyone else is on board.
The Brits, though, are a touch sensitive to the class structure.
Having grown up in the UK, the first thing one noted was the plumminess levels of everyone’s accent, the snootiness of the schools they attended, the bespokeness of the clothes they wore and whether their names were hyphenated or not.
So, as the Independent reports, Brits are railing at their national airline’s new boarding system.
Here’s what one passenger — of lower status on the frequent flyer spectrum — told the Independent: “In a society which we’re trying to make more equal, British Airways is doing the opposite. It’s very Kardashian, being ostentatious about wealth and status. Everyone will know how much money you’ve got based on where you are in the line.”
I’m not sure it’s quite so Kardashian. Not even Kourtney.
It’s not as if those who have status — and can therefore board in more elevated groups — necessarily have more money or even paid the most for the tickets.
Some might have booked weeks before, when the price would have likely been cheaper. Some might have booked at the last-minute and paid far more.
There are so many other possibilities.
That’s a bloody liberty. What happens if you got it free with frequent flyer points ? Will you have to do the walk of shame ?
— Paul Kingsley (@PaulKingsley16) November 18, 2017
Then there’s this seemingly logical obsevation.
Sadly, if you’ve paid for Hand Baggage only by the time you board (last) they’ll be no space left in the overhead lockers!!??
— Andi Peters (@andipeters) November 18, 2017
You see. This is a veritable #BAWrecksIt.
Moreover, I have extremely wealthy friends who have parsimoniousness tattooed on their livers. They would no sooner fly Business Class than they would buy a new car or a pair of shoes more than once a year.
And they regularly fly Ryanair.
Just because it looks like someone paid more money, it doesn’t mean they have more money.
Moreover, this new boarding system has more exceptions than ethical standards in government.
You might have Gold status, but, on this particular trip, you have chosen to fly in the very back of the bus, as you’ve just had to pay an ex-spouse heavily for betraying them.
You’ll still get to board among the chosen few.
Where, though, is the glory in boarding first anyway? You just have to sit in a plane that’s often quite stuffy, while everyone else piles on.
What happened to the glory of being fashionably late?
Of course, airlines could just choose to board by rows, with the back seats going first — as some do.
They could, though — if they had true justice (and entertainment) in their hearts — hold a random lottery on every flight.
The minute you check in, you get a number. And that’s the order in which you board.
Please imagine what it would be like if you came first and could board ahead of all the rich snooties.
Wouldn’t that just make your week?